Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
