if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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