I got her a Nickelback box set.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
