you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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