It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
