"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this will be a night to untag.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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