Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
