did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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