so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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