So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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