One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
