just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
