she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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