OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize