We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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