i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
