We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
