roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
