Heybabeimwearingurpanties
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize