You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
