And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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