I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
