Cold hands, warm shart.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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