how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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