After last night, I could never be a politician.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize