im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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