Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
