like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
