McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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