Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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