End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
