my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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