My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
