And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
