You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize