Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize