i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
