We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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