Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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