I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
