oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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