i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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