mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize