I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
