Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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