Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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