Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
