i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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