i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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