everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
