there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
