the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
even my farts smell like vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i've created a new STD.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
