we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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