the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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