I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
do herpes really smell.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
