i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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