so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
