i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
