Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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