dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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