Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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