but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
