white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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