why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
