Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she smelled like a LAN party
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize