Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
