don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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