Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
