I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
