i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
