Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
