just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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