god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
