Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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