you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
try to milk me bitch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
