Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize