We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
