apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
