Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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