I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
