i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
