Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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