I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
