i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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