Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
