This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
