People in love make me want to vomit
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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