I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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