I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
