How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
