He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize