I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
