If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
