Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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