Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
