Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
