we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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