She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
