Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize