the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
