I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
