I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
