and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
