Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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