She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what day is it and did you see me today?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
