some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize